When I first realized I might be gay

I had only recently discovered the pleasure of jerking off, so I must have been around 12 years old. My family owned a small business and I helped out whenever I could. During summer break I was allowed to work in the warehouse for the first time. It was hard work but I didn't mind and liked most of the guys that I worked with. They were mostly guys in their twenties just trying to earn a little cash until they could find a better job. I was a little shocked at first by all of their "gay" jokes and k**ding. At first I thought they might all actually be gay but I soon figured out that they were just teasing. Some of the guys would talk with a lisp occasionally or joke with another guy about giving him a blowjob. This banter went on a lot but as time went by I got used to it and wasn't offended if they directed their comments to me.

I enjoyed working with all of the guys except one. His name was John. He was the meanest, dirtiest, nastiest and oldest guys in the warehouse. He would say things to me like, "I know you want to suck my big cock", "I'm gonna be the first to break-in that little ass", and other things like that. He would act like he was joking but the way he looked at me made me uncomfortable. Sometimes he would grab his cock through his jeans when he made these comments. One day when he was doing this I happened to notice how big the bulge was in his jeans. Several times during the rest of the day I found myself sneaking glances at his crotch. I just couldn't get over how big his cock must be.

That night as I was jerking off in bed the thought of me kneeling in front of John and sucking his big cock flashed into my mind. It was the first time I had ever thought about actually sucking a cock. I had been fascinated by some of the bigger ones in the locker room at school but I hadn't thought of sucking them. When I thought about John, my cock throbbed and I almost instantly had the most intense orgasm I had ever experienced. Afterwards, I felt sick and guilty and swore never to think such thoughts again. A few minutes later I was masturbating again, thinking of John's big dirty cock cumming down my throat.

It was several years before I experienced my first real cock, but my fantasies about John opened my mind. From that time on I realized that I was a little different than most of my friends and that I didn't have to be like everyone else.

I'll write about my first time sucking cock in another blog. Thanks for reading!
Jack